Hey loves! Let’s talk about something really important! How much do you love yourself? For me it never was easy to completely accept myself for who I was. And still today my way to self love has its ups and downs. But like many other things in life, this is going to be a long life journey. In this blog I would like to share with you some really personal experiences and how I found a way to learn to accept myself a little bit more every day. Today I can assure you that I am very happy with my life and myself and I am looking forward to everything life has to offer.
My younger self
Ever since as a child I was very insecure. Always full of self doubt and scared of not being good enough. Not good enough as a daughter, sister, student, friend, girlfriend or not good enough for the work/job I do. And for sure growing up and becoming a woman with this mindset accompanied with some new experiences nobody prepared me for, was not always easy.
There could be a lot of reasons why I was not able to accept myself for who I was. Wrong friendships? The fact that I was dissatisfied with my look and body? People who were important to me made me feel wrong, unable, unsupported and alone? Poor grades? That I cared too much of what other people could think of me? Well, I don’t know. But what I know is that I let my insecurities take control over how I behaved and on who I started to become. And it made me feel not good enough at everything. Be it in private, with friends or at work, I always had the feeling of not being good enough.
I was self destructive in the way I treated myself. A lot of negative self-talk dominated my thoughts, I constantly felt the need to compare myself to others which encouraged me in my opinion of not being good enough. I never put myself first and/or spoke up for what was truth to me. I often was aggressive and always defensive. Anxieties and my lost state was a logical consequence.
It never was easy to allow people to get too close to me. I was not able to build long lasting, profound and important relationships. Sure, I had a lot of friends at the time but were they really good for me? I mean the ones you can fully be yourself in the good and the bad.. Where you can drop your walls, trust fully and even consider family? Nope! Had I ever had a relationship with a man which was giving me peace and serenity? Nope! Was my relationship with my family always easy? Of course not.
The problem was not always “wrong” friendships or annoying (ex-)boyfriends. No, the problem was my inner world. The way I saw myself in this world. Instead of searching the problem in other people I had to start with myself. What do I have to give to other people? Would I want to have a friendship with myself? I realized that I could not expect something from others that I was not able to return.
The moment I hit rock bottom
A lot of years went by and I truly felt lost in this world. What was my purpose? Why am I here? Would anybody notice my absence? Why am I so ugly? Oh my good, I better stop here.. You see, instead of asking myself constructive questions, I continued to beat myself up. I was ashamed of myself, hated everything I did, said and felt. Here I was creating and living in my own dangerous and toxic vicious circle. Finally, I began to worry. I was so young and I still had everything in front of me. It needed to stop and I needed to change – NOW!
Are you happy with who you are?
I was not happy with myself and I was not happy with my life. I wanted it to change – immediately! I started to ask different questions and became more conscious about what my thoughts are and what I really wanted. I began to read books, stopped the comparison, ended a lot of toxic relationships and followed my passions. I made a few shifts which led me to a more content life. But I wanted more. I wanted to become the best version of myself. I needed some time off, with myself. So I decided to quit my job and travel the world alone. I learned so much about life and myself. Being abroad and away from my usual everyday life, allowed me to see the world with different eyes. Suddenly I had so much time for myself and for what I wanted to do without being influenced by my environment. I began to feel relief, I began to stand up for myself and I began to say no! I realized that I had to put myself first and love me first. This is where my life began to change – where I began to change…
Becoming who I am today
I learned to let myself be just the way I am and to do what I want, without letting it influence me by other people. In the past I wanted to please everybody. I bought stuff I did not need to impress people that were not good for me, I behaved in a way that was not in alignment with my values and most importantly I was unhappy. But guys, this is so wrong! People will always have expectations on what you should do or who you should become. Especially parents, family members, friends or your work.
People judge a alot. As you may know I travelled the world a few years ago. I worked my ass off with three different jobs to make that happen. But there were a lot of individuals claiming I had a sugar daddy or rich parents who financed this adventure. There are people saying I am a stripper because I do pole dance. First of all, what is wrong in being a stripper? And secondly do they know what pole dance is? Other people make fun of my Instagram and the way I interact with my followers (who btw I truly love). I mean wtf? Do these humans don’t have a life?! It is not always easy to do things you love and knowing people are talking and I am still working on not letting it affect me. To be honest I am still struggling with the fact that it does not affect or burden me, it’s just a long way off but I am working on it. But do you know what? People will always talk and judge about you but you don’t need this type of negativity and people in your life. If something makes you happy and doesn’t hurt other people- DO IT! And do it as long as it makes you feel good. It does not matter what other people think. Avoid those people in your environment who have a bad impact on you and just spread bad moods and vibes.
But today, I don’t feel bad to just say no or to make decisions that are good for me without thinking about what other people could think. I do what makes me happy and I put myself first – and that was life changing! I love my family, friends so much. But how can I give them all my love if I can not love myself in the first place? You can’t give something you don’t have.
Everybody has downdays and that is ok. Remember that the journey to self love is an ongoing process and it will take time – and that is ok as well. There are days that I also struggle with embracing my truest self but I am working on loving myself each day a little bit more.
What you can do If you struggle with self love
Let’s start with asking yourself important questions:
- What kind of person do I want to be?
- What do I need to change to become the best version of myself?
- Am I surrounded by people who truly love and care about me?
- What makes me feel good?
- What can I give back to society?
- Am I doing something because I want it or because I want to impress others?
Asking new and constructive questions will help you see life and yourself from another perspective. What else can you do? There are so many things that helped me. Here you can download a list I created for you. I hope it inspires you on your journey to self love. Let’s work on being our best self together and make this world a better place for us and for the people around us.
I really love what Oprah Winfrey has to say about why it is so important to keep your own self full (check it out here!). And yes! She is so right… You don’t have anything to give that you don’t have.
Books I can recommend
- The self-love experiment by Shannon Kaiser
- GOOD VIBES, GOOD LIFE by Vex King
- Body is not an apology by Sonya Renee Taylor
- Unfu** yourself by Gary John Bishop
- Gib dir die Liebe die du verdienst von Katharina Tempel (DE)
Some of the books are also available in German, just ask me and I will send you the link.
Instagram accounts that are very inspiring on the topic of Self Love
You are enough!
You are special honey. There is no other person in this world like you. How AMAZING is that?! And please believe me when I say that you deserve to be loved. Always and unconditionally. Not only by those around you, but by the most important person that will ever be in your life, YOU.
You are enough! Good enough, pretty enough, talented enough, kind enough… GOOD ENOUGH! You don’t have to have the best grades, most beautiful hair, follow the latest trends or have 100 friends. This is not what will make you happy. Be confident, show compassion for others and for yourself, be kind, seek knowledge, forgive yourself and most importantly – embrace your perfectly imperfect creation that you are. You are and will be enough – always!
Practicing self-love can be challenging for many of us, especially in times we are facing serious life challenges. We have to understand that putting ourselves first is neither egoistic nor ruthless. It is all about getting in touch with ourselves, our well-being and our happiness. This is the only way to give our best selves to the world, spread love and positivity.
So do yourself a favor. Take a deep breath, give yourself a big hug, practice, shine and start creating a life you deserve.
I really hope that sharing my personal story will help some of you get inspired! Maybe you can relate with what I shared with you in this blog. I am very curious about your journey and challenges. What do you think about self love? At which point in your life are you? If you want to share with me your story, you can send me a message to: firstname.lastname@example.org or direct on Instagram. Can’t wait to hear your story!